POSTS

The Walk: a prayer of sorts

By hisham

I don’t know how or where it’s coming from, but as I walk, as I tread upon this earth, I look towards myself, my inner consciousness. I ask myself “where am I?” and “who am I?”. Do I look at the stars and see wondrous creation, behold the truth of the Almighty? Or do I feel doubt, fear and misunderstanding? I look at the world around me and I see nature: A breeze, the chirp of the birds, the rustle of the leaves and the smell of dust and pollen in the air. I try to contain within myself the notion of being, of existence. A fluctuation of sorts takes place: Am I or am I not?

Is this the way we’re all supposed to feel? Or is it just me that is confused? From outwardness I digress to inwardness. I go deep into my seat of consciousness, or at least I seem to be doing so. I try to understand why am I where I am, and the reason for my inquisition. What is all of this around me? This amalgam of creation and physical existence that I cannot seem to comprehend at this moment. I am confused.

Bring me death and I am confused. I don’t know why then I am who I am. Where I am, how I am.

As I look towards the heavens, all I see is my inner fear and darkness. My utter confusion at what could be something spectacular, something believable, something far more real than I could imagine. Something I have overlooked. Something I have not sensed.

I pull up my hand in front of my face, looking at my digits. I slowly move them, trying to see if I can unravel the mystery of my own existence. Am I the world? I don’t know. Am I who I am? I don’t know. Could someone answer this question? I don’t know.

I run back, towards myself. I am defeated; I am cornered by doubt, fear and a lack of clarity. A tear forms, down my cheek it trails and drops. I contain a full out sob, but my soul, my soul. Yes my soul undergoes the pain, the confusion, the misery of my disposition.

But from the pain, the confusion, the misery, a prayer is invoked. A prayer of the soul, from my soul, for the sake of my soul. A prayer to hear the truth, to see the light.

Little by little, I feel warmth. A tenderness taking shape within my soul, crushing the cold, lifeless doubt, bringing reason of belief were confusion once prevailed. If I exist right at this moment, then how can I die and not remember this moment, and not feel what I felt this moment? How can I not exist? I have existed all of time, and I will exist all of time. Time, time has no meaning when it comes to the soul.

Time must be it. It is the factor of confusion, of making us pawns of doubt. As I look up at the sky, I see the sun, with a light ever so bright on all the physical realities of this world. This world so full of momentum and time. Regardless of that chronological scope, I see my inner timelessness, my soul. A soul that the Almighty has created, has given life to, has placed in the current of time to measure its capacity for belief. For keeping itself sane in a world of physical distractions in the space of time. That is my soul. A soul that re-awakens from the pit of darkness and doubt, to see the light and feel the warmth, compassion and love of God spread itself around a soul created by God for God.

Tears of confusion turn to tears of relief, of understanding the divine nature of being, of existence, of seeing the beauty of truth. Seeing the truth within my soul, connecting it to the world, and following the straight path, God willing.